No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
I, for one, like Roman numerals.
I went out to buy a pair of camouflage trousers. But I couldn’t find any.
My mother is a hospital nurse, my father is a professional magician – he does stuff like pulling rabbits out of hats and sawing people in half. I have several siblings: three half-brothers and a half-sister.
What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce?
Chicken Caesar salad.
A dairy farmer looked at his cattle in the field and counted 196. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A policeman called into the base on his radio, “I’ve got a firearm death, Sarge. A little old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she’d just mopped.”
“Geez. Ah, okay. I’ll arrange for the body to be collected. Bring her in, and we’ll get a statement.”
“Right. Might take some time.”
“The floor’s still wet.”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks if the horse is an alcoholic, considering it’s just staggered out of the bar across the street. The horse puts its head on one side, considers and says, “I don’t think I am.”
Poof! The horse disappears.
This is the point where all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with Déscartes famous proposition cogito ergo sum, meaning “I think, therefore I am.”
But if I were to explain that beforehand, I would be putting Déscartes before the horse.
A book just fell onto my head!
But I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
A snake walks into a bar. The bartender gasps and says, “How did you do that?”