Little-known fact. Chicken soup can be bought in bulk at wholesale prices from the stock market.
I like to spend my lunchtime playing chess with the old men in the park although sometimes it’s hard to find 32 of them.
It isn’t hard to learn Braille, once you get a proper feel for it.
My girlfriend told me I didn’t know the meaning of “ironic”, which was ironic because we were at a laundry.
What do the following have in common?
1. Felix the cat
2. Bob the builder
3. Ivan the Terrible
Despite coming from vastly different times and cultures, they all share a middle name.
I went to another meeting of Plastic Surgery Anonymous last night. It was good to see a lot of new faces there.
How come at Christmas we hear about all Santa’s reindeer, except for the mean one, Olive.
Olive the other reindeer.
Does anything rhyme with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
In high school, the teacher asked us all to share our dream career. I stood up and received a round of applause when I said I hadn’t made my mind up between astronaut or rock star, but whatever path I took, I’d make sure it was a cool gig.
And it worked out that way, believe it or not. Kids shriek with delight when they see me and come running every time I play music on the ice cream van.
I went to the doctor to see about my hearing loss. He asked me to describe the symptoms.
“Well,” I said, “Homer’s a fat bloke, Marge has blue hair, and they have three goofy kids.”