I’m going to sell my vacuum cleaner. It’s just gathering dust.
Fun fact. Emperor penguins in Antarctica bury their dead. The older males of the flock will scrape out a shallow depression in the ice, roll the deceased bird into the hole, push the ice scrapings on top, and then gather in a circle, calling out together, “Freeze a jolly good fellow…”
In Persia, the faithful gather on their Sabbath at the grand mosque of the city, called the Friday Mosque. There are other mosques of varying sizes, and the tiniest of all are called mosquitoes.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
Two clowns were eating a cannibal. One turned to the other and said, “I think we got this joke wrong.”
I work in a library and this chap came up to me and asked, “Do you have a bookmark?”
“Of course,” I replied, indicating the packed shelves, “We have thousands. By the way, my name’s Dave.”
Join me on the whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.
Little-known fact. Chicken soup can be bought in bulk at wholesale prices from the stock market.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a 50mm plank with my cast.
I’ve been thinking about what I would like people to say about me at my funeral and finally decided it would be, “Hey look, he’s still breathing!”