Two clowns were eating a cannibal. One turned to the other and said, “I think we got this joke wrong.”
I work in a library and this chap came up to me and asked, “Do you have a bookmark?”
“Of course,” I replied, indicating the packed shelves, “We have thousands. By the way, my name’s Dave.”
Join me on the whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.
Little-known fact. Chicken soup can be bought in bulk at wholesale prices from the stock market.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a 50mm plank with my cast.
I’ve been thinking about what I would like people to say about me at my funeral and finally decided it would be, “Hey look, he’s still breathing!”
I invented a new word today.
I like to spend my lunchtime playing chess with the old men in the park although sometimes it’s hard to find 32 of them.
Well, to be frank…
I’d have to change my name.
My daughter asked me to make her a ballerina costume. Initially, I had no idea how to begin, but after a bit of thought, I was able to put tu and tu together.