A dairy farmer looked at his cattle in the field and counted 196. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A book just fell onto my head!
But I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
A snake walks into a bar. The bartender gasps and says, “How did you do that?”
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will never rest until I have tracked you down.
You have my Word.
I’m trying to stop eating Christmas leftovers. So yummy! So hard to go cold turkey.
I’m starting a new job at a restaurant tomorrow. I can’t wait!
I went to the Weight Watchers website, and they told me to disable cookies.
I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that I was a muffler.
I woke up exhausted.
I came home late one night and was totally delighted to find that someone had stolen all my lamps.
Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections?