I have a fear of speed bumps. I’m slowly getting over it.
In mankind’s technological development through the use of tools, the invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.
I went to another meeting of Plastic Surgery Anonymous last night. It was good to see a lot of new faces there.
Does anything rhyme with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
A delivery truck from the wig factory was stolen, chased by the cops, rolled while trying to take a corner and spilled its load across the intersection.
The police are still combing the area.
My teenage son finally revolted and told me he doesn’t believe in Santa.
He’s a rebel without a Claus.
I have an extensive collection of Christmas candy canes.
All in mint condition.
My doctor told me about a tasty new diet. All you eat is peanut butter.
I thought about it, but eventually decided that was just nuts.
It’s spring! I’m so excited, I wet my plants.
A guy knocked on my door, and when I opened it, he asked for a small donation to the local swimming pool.
So I gave him a glass of water.